I heart hand turkeys

So….on the bright side of life, almost everyday of thanksgiving week was spent in a semi-drunk state, making this last week the official “let your liver dry out and stop the night sweats week”. There is a ribbon to commemorate overcoming these adversities in life and it’s the same color as a liver with severe cirrhosis. Although this was ridiculously enjoyable, I had not planned on this occurring....and this posting is a little late, but better than neverm

I had to work the first few days of the week, but due to 2 inches of snow on the ground Tuesday, I went in late that day to avoid black ice and freeway mayhem that was bound to ensue. On Wednesday, I “worked” less than 5 hours before I was sent home because 90% of all salaried employees had already bailed for an “extended-extended weekend” and there wasn’t a whole lot for me to do besides stare at the wall. Although it sounds neat to get paid just to sit there (and god knows I need the money), it’s really not as fantastic as one might assume.

Side Note:

I realize that anyone from the Midwest is laughing their asses off right now and I’m sure that if I got 3-4 feet of snow every winter, I would be laughing as well--- but I’m totally serious about the snow. Every time it snows 6+ inches, the city basically shuts down—schools, shops, EVERYONE takes a snow day. I swear I’m not making this up. The reason behind this is that we don’t have snow every year and when we do have it, it might be for a week at the very most. Portland OR is not equipped in the SLIGHTEST to handle snow on the ground and not nearly enough people own a set of snow tires or chains to get to work safely. I’ve lived here almost 5 years now and each time it snows, I see people sliding all over the road and backsliding on hills (my favorite) and looking surprised even though they don’t have the proper equipment on a front wheel drive vehicle to be out there driving to begin with. I have chains and studded tires for my car but I’m also unaccustomed to driving in snow, so when it does hit that 6+ inches, I just call a spade a spade and spend a day at my neighborhood bars instead.

The outcome of the 2 inches of snow: there was a wreck on the highway I take to get to work but not because of the snow. Instead, SOMEHOW somebody’s land rover managed to catch on fire…um, YEAH. Again, I’m glad I waited to go into work 2 hours late that day and slept in. GO ME! FAIL CARFIRE!

I got to play hedonist for an entire week. Monday night it started snowing, so after work I grabbed beer and a pizza (survival supplies) and headed to my boo’s house for the night. (That’s right, it’s the boo. What of it?) I figured if I’m going to get snowed in anywhere, I’d prefer it to be where there are people to hang out with, a fireplace and cute puppies to play with and easy access to booze and video games. (That’s my idea of survival.) Tuesday night was a bit of the same, it was still up in the air as to what was happening with the weather so I decided to keep drinking. On Wednesday I got cut loose from work 3 hours early so I went to Ilsa’s (aka She-Wolf) house where I helped her make pies and drink hot cider with spiced rum and listened to her and her roommate bicker for 5 hours.

Thursday required almost 250 miles of roundtrip driving to see 15 family members, so you had better believe there was alcohol involved (I drove on the way down, was the designated drinker and had the boo drive on the way back up). I understand that everyone has memories of family events and holidays that still give us night sweats when we remember what they are. Being in my later 20s, I think I’ve been a veteran to some “you ruined Christmas!!!” moments in my lifetime, some my fault, some not. But let me tell you this…..NOTHING quite prepares you for when the man of your life drops the TENTACLE PORN BOMB on your older cousin without a second thought and watching her try to mask the abject horror crawling up from the pit of her stomach to covering her terror stricken face.

I was so caught off guard, that I tried to smooth it over but hadn’t put together a logical, calculated method to do so. In the end, ‘T’ looked at me and said: “Don’t try to class it up! It was tentacle porn that was playing in that restaurant! During afterhours!”

I can’t wait to see what happens with Christmas…….

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGADPw2vDsenVHwiGgw79DSdRY3Fj6fwn0C9mmznu9xtQqb-ePyzYVtTu7Z2_l6kfxvD0CF_psEQ9MvCV8NDwPw0FxqE3zhV1yepIiEpvRCk0-nmtVHvFt9kxiSKjGy97qexeYiY3Pd5E/s1600/HandTurkey_small.jpg

An child cut from the cloth of my own heart....sigh....

Friday was an impromptu house party with out of town friends where the night ended in competitive bubble bobble (OH SNAP KIDS!!) and one person (NOT IT!!) who ended up stumbling drunk and getting a ride home with a bucket on their lap. Crime doesn’t pay and neither does doing 14 shots in a row of tequila, several shots of bourbon and chugging down a large glass of absinth and soda.

Saturday

Things got interesting on Saturday night. Very interesting…..we still had out of town friends hanging out with us, and we collectively decided “I know! We haven’t been to strip club in ages!” Lets get this party started!!! There was a strip club called The Landing Strip that we went back and forth on checking out. Pros: T and I found it while driving up near the airport (coincidentally in the outer ring of industrial Portland). It caught our attention at once and both us started bouncing in the car seats with glee from imagining the skeezy possibilites. Cons: Out near the airport (Landing Strip, get it? Heh heh heh) and hard to find.

We ended up choosing to strip club hop to 2 different places and kicked off the festivities at Magic Gardens. Trust me when I say that this (and Mary’s Club) is a place where strippers go to die. Its like a sleezy Stargate: as soon as your feet cross the threshold, you are transported through a wormhole back in time to 1980 to a stripper truck stop in the middle of methtown nowhere in logging country Oregon. Much like the movie Stargate, you are in awe of your surroundings and the culture. The stripper “stage” is more like an elevated fountain pool drained of water with a rack and chairs around its outside, mirrors at the back, a LOW CEILING and NO POLE. It wasn’t just the stage. The décor was outdated by an entire generation and there was an old lady working as the bartender…I’m talking in her 70s at least, it was wicked. Portland is the strip club capital of the world (most clubs per capita baby!!) and this was a first for me. I have never seen a strip club sans pole that only midgets could dance on without hitting their heads. The whole scene was absolutely fucking weird.

We grabbed some drinks, took a seat and the 8 of us patiently awaited the delights of this pleasure garden. Well, there were 2 STRIPPERS for this fine establishment and one of them is barely 21 and looked way younger, had cut scars on her stomach and was completely out of it. I call her baby-stripper. Up at the rack, the night was made when we realized that she had meth-mouth and was covering her teeth with her lips when she spoke with patrons. She was sitting on our portion of the bar at the rack and started talking to us:

Baby stripper: “How are you doing tonight?”

(K speaking on behalf of our group): “Pretty good! You?”

Baby Stripper: “My day started off terrible, I had a toothache but its better now because I’m drinking.”

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GGGOOOODDDDD!!!!!!! Yeah, I bet she had a MOUTH full of toothaches. While meth-mouthed baby stripper was trying to give us the fuck-me-eyes, she couldn’t barely look at any of us because her eyes were shaking around like bobble heads. Fan.tas.tic.

We got out of Magic Gardens in under an hour and headed over to the Lucky Devil, where the bartender doesn’t look like your dead Grandmother. We felt at home and at ease with the “stripper universe “ once again. Immediately after we got there, a girl was having her 21st birthday party and was taken onto the stage for some fun. Her drunk friend ran up there after her and ripped off her shirt and bra, giving the entire club drunken show. Good on her for keeping her body in shape, but I gotta say, watching a stringbean skinny, overly drunk girl try to shake her shit makes her look like a convulsing noodle.

God, I LOVE LOVE LOVE amateur night.

Sunday

I hung out with Ilsa, watched a movie, did some crafting and decided not to break the week’s tradition. Same as I'm doing tonight (a week later) but tonight I have cramps tonight that are so bad that I swear that my uterus is trying to crawl out of my body.

GOODNIGHT!!!

Christmas goodies

I just posted some new items on etsy (right in time too, my sewing machine just jammed up) just in time for the holidays! "My Ring in the New Year" sale started today, go check it out! Here's an example of what I have at the store.

Thoughts?

www.ojala.etsy.com

Obi Belt

www.ojala.etsy.com

Reason #4586 why I kick ass

Armpit Glue: Just add water

The Northwest is receiving waves of arctic weather down from the north and in correlation to current meteorological events, I am freezing my ass off. I’m still freezing my ass off half of the time but this story has absolutely nothing to do with the cold weather and everything to do with my sparsely-haired armpits.

Sunday was cold to the point where no amount of layering was going to help keep me and warm and I didn’t want to keep my heater on all day because I don’t really make enough to cover all my bills as it is with my current job. (another rant for another day)


In the early evening I got up the courage to get naked for the .46 of a minute required to jump in a hot shower to warm myself up. While relishing the water (as one only does only when it is BALLS cold and outside there is a frothy mixture of big blobby snow and raining coming down together), I reached for my bar of Dove soap and started rubbing it in my armpits, as is my custom. Somewhere around rinse time, I started to realize that there was a GLUE LIKE STICKINESS on the fingertips of both of my hands and my armpits were really itchy. I reached for the bar of soap again to make sure that it wasn’t coated in glue…why it would be coated in glue? I have no idea, but my overly paranoid and hyperactive mind thought one of several things, including going through a list of all the people that would potentially dislike me enough to break into my apartment and put glue on my bar of soap and then realized that it wasn't worth the effort for anyone to do so. The only other person I know that would think this would be a great prank now lives in NYC, so I had to rule out my two primary ridiculous suspicions.

It crossed my mind that this might have something in common with the fact that my armpits have been itching a ton in the last few weeks since I switched my deodorant. And I’ve been rubbing them like Molly Shannon in the movie Superstar…and getting the occasional sniff check in afterwards (fuck you, don’t judge me). I went out the night before and more than likely still had leftover deodorant and then prematurely mixed the soap into my armpits with a minimal amount of water….thus creating a chain reaction of weird, mildly disconcerting stickiness to deal with a few minutes later. I gotta say, reaching for the soap bar is such a force of habit that I probably did it without rinsing the residue out of my pits. Basically I’ve invented a very mild and nice smelling form of adhesive….with my armpits.


Moral of the story kids: Degree Anti-persperant and dove ivory soap are not a good combo, and you can’t blame the outcome on the dillusion du jour. I will say this, that shizzz was STRAIGHT UP TACKY. I wasn’t able to get rinsed out while in that shower….and I’m still using both products as we speak because I haven’t purchased anything else yet...yeah.

mid-summer checkup

I'm a cheap bastard. I am currently sitting in my car outside a closed restaurant in my neighborhood because I can pick up on free wi-fi. Drinking in the restaurant sounded great, but I would rather be a cheap bastard for the time being and do this ghetto style. Don't act like you haven't done this at any given point in your life!!!!
Again, life has been full of tricks and trapdoors for me to fall through as of late. I work swing shift in customer service hell so by the time I get off of work, everyone I know is already falling asleep for the day and I'm left to my own devices like a shit-house mouse in an attic somewhere scratching around. I've been getting weekends off but with all the OT I've worked for the last few months, I feel like I live at my job and have been cut off from my friends. I finally got to hang out with Eran on sunday and it didn't end well. We laid in a park for about 5 hours drinking a half rack of beer and shunning all forms of sunscreen and water to maintain hydration. By the end of the night, I had "dirt burn" from falling on my ass while wearing a skirt, picked an argument that I'm not sure was entirely valid and sunburned my back and butt. The headache the next day was stellar ---drinking is not equal to socializing....repeat after me....

My computer also took a dump on me and all my neighbors that I used to steal internet from moved away and were replaced by upstanding citizens who know how to set up a closed network. (please, keep your networks open! It helps us cheap bastards that live around you stay calm and complacent rather than drinking until 4am and ranting in the middle of the street and waking up all the neighbors....like 3 weeks ago....I mean--hypothetically speaking...) *ahem* so the computer had a partial crap-out and my Microsoft and Adobe products ate shit, but they can suck it because I just upgraded to better, more complete versions of the programs. Suck it CS3!!! You heard me. Now I can continue to makes design and make more clothes, take pictures and upload with impunity. It will also keep me busy enough that I will pass out and not keep my poor neighbors up with the deranged rantings and late night "home improvements" of a 27 year old who is only posing as an adult.

In other super-fucking-cool news, my model Amelia got married this last month and the Ojala Etsy store has just officially hit its 50-sales mark. All these things are small victories and I will take each and everyone one of them.

Back to enjoying the rest of july. ---CHEERS!!!

I've got a job!!

So I finally landed a job, somewhere around the beginning of march and I've been working at least 10 hours of overtime every week since I started, leaving me little motivation to use the leftover time for blogging or other pursuits. It's not my #1 choice, but on the other hand, its a good place to be right now given all the other economic shenanigans that are going on and allows me to search for another job since I have one now. (Since its logical to have to have one to get another, right?)

I would have blamed my lack of blogging on the "transition" into the new job but the more I see it, life is one big fat continuous transition, so you had better get used to it and keep on moving instead of dwelling on the moment. There is so much that I want to do do and see in my life and I'm already near the end of my 20s. Life is only going to speed up from here and that scares the hell out of me.

In addition to the new job, I broke up with the boyfriend of 3 years, realizing that my work schedule was going to not allow us to see much of each other at all and the fact that he had basically quit hanging out with me anyways and I had more or less been single for the last year and not realized it. Seemed like the best time to wrap up that loose end and just focus on moving my life ahead instead of someone who wasn't all that interested in me to begin with.

(can you tell its still fresh?)

~Anyways~

I've been participating in acrobatic classes for the last several months, and exploring my dance/ creative movement side again, which has not only made me stronger and lose weight, but also motivated me to make a new tank top design that is pretty freaking cute. Acrobatics can be very theatre and circus oriented, and I took the opportunity to express a very bold and bright statement through the shirts. Additionally, all of them are reinforced with 2 layers of fabric over the bust and stomach for integrity and support. (Nothing worse than being a D-cup hanging upside down and being worried that a boob is going to pop out).

Apparently I did something right when I made these because they are a hit on etsy.

Check it out!

GET A JOB ASSHOLE: online applications are fucked

I'm in the unenviable position of being jobless right now.

I apply to several jobs a day, and work on resumes, put on a nice outfit and way more makeup than I'm used to and go stalk people at their offices to get a job, etc etc etc.

Then I come to online application forms and submissions. I feel as if I'm at least moderately tech savvy (not that it takes a lot to fill out an online form) but as of late, I'm ready to lose my shit. I fill out the entire form then after an hour of filling out all the little boxes, MY COMPUTER WON'T LET ME CLICK ON THE 'SUBMIT' button. It sure let me fill out 4 pages worth of online forms, and my laptop's pad and buttons work as they should, allowing me to easily move my cursor from one point of information to the next. Then, in a sadistic fit of computer vengeance and rage, my computer STOPS working at the moment of truth. This happens at least once every other day, and it's usually an hour of carefully thought out answers to behavioral questions. There's no way to save the information and I get so frustrated that I want to throw my laptop across the room to show it who's really in charge (of course it would still be).

I have to wonder; JUST HOW MANY shitty jobs I've missed out on because of this fucked up twist of fate? Can I sue Mac for making a laptop that won't let me go out and get a damn job? And how long can I keep up this excuse? And believe it for myself?


Now that I'm on the subject of getting a damn job. I'm writing this at 4:30am. Time has no meaning anymore and I don't have any money to do anything so I'm stuck in my house all day, making me feel even more insane. Every time I walk back into my house and I've been gone for a little while, I smell the scent of desperation and crazy in the air.

~MOVING ON~

I've had several interviews in the last 2 months. Some of them have been downright insulting, and one of them went amazingly well. You gotta love the employer's market! Too bad I'm not sitting on the same side of the table as they are. Allow me to share a few experiences: I graduated from a commercial design school where graduating students have a portfolio show open to friends, family and potential employers. At the show, I received 2 potential employment offers and I was walking on sunshine, I thought I was going to be able to get a job pretty quickly rather then have to stare deep into the depths of Gadball, Monster and Craigslist for weeks at a time.

A few days after graduation, I do my follow up and one of the companies is trying to have me take on working for them, IN A SUBURB 20 miles away from where I live, for nothing more than a gas allowance and the *potential* of hiring me at the end of a 3-month trial period. Did I mention that they wanted 40 hours a week? When I politely declined, during this phone interview, the owner of the company then said to me: "How's your job hunt going?" in a snide tone of voice. I told him it was going well. In reality, it can only go up from there.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not above working just to gain work experience or pick up some necessary skills. Before I graduated I did 2 part-time internships for a total of 8 months worth of free work for people. I do freelance apparel design work as well, and I'm at the point now where I am getting business every month. It's still not a lot or steady, but IT'S THERE!! Even if the firm had offered me a very low wage, I still would have probably considered it until I found something better because it would have been: 1. compensation for work. 2. work experience.


Remarkable interview #2

Another interview I had was at the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of experience. The pay is alright and its only 1/2 time, but I'll take it if I can get it! It was easily the most comfortable, fun interview I have ever had. We talked the entire time, and they didn't touch their interview questions once. The only downside is that I know I was fidgeting a little bit and showed some small indications of being nervous. All in all though, I would have given myself 85-90% for everything I did right.

Wish for me and help me to manifest a lovely job that will help me grow in skills and autonomy to keep me moderately sane.

oh yeah, this whole "not-having-a-job" posting is a thinly veiled request for you to go look at my etsy shop.

www.ojala.etsy.com

Sweethearts

Cupid just shot an arrow through my heart...


Here are some items I currently have in my etsy shop, in celebration of love and romance.

I love everything about the print and colors of these pants, as well as the Muscha-esque pose of Amelia. As soon as I saw the print pattern of chrysanthemums, I fell in love with the fabric, and I've never been much of a pink kind of girl. They just looks so....organic and supine in these pictures. Exceptions can always be made.

The pants are also made out of a bamboo jersey if you can believe it! For those of you who don't know, you really should get a garment made out of bamboo, it's wonderfully soft and supple as a fabric. It took all my strength not to horde the fabric and make something for myself, but I've desperately been trying to get rid of excess fabric and clothes for....ok, my entire adult life....I'm not ashamed.




www.ojala.etsy.com


The weather has been taking a break from pissing down rain (it's Oregon after all) so I got to get outside and take some pics of the lovely Amelia wearing a mottled fuschia and short sleeved sweatshirt. We dubbed it the "phenomenon sweatshirt" because we each had one for the winter months, and it went with everything and was easy to layer. At this point, there is only one left at the etsy store.






www.ojala.etsy.com

Keeping up with the resolutions

I graduated from college back in mid-December, and that has been the marker of my "new year" rather than the traditional December 31st. I told myself that I would really work harder and be more diligent to get to a place where I felt like my life was in order, and I was living up to my beliefs.

So here is what I've accomplished so far:

1. Quit smoking-- I'm now finishing up 2 months smoke free
2. I started taking a Trapeze and Acrobatics class
3. Started a blog


4. As of today, I signed up with www.paperbackswap.com

The last one is something I recommend everyone get on board with--you sign up, and post 10 books that you are willing to part with. Doing so earns you credits, and you can use those credits to get books that other people have posted. The only money you pay is the money YOU spend shipping a book to someone. In return, when you ORDER a book from someone, whoever you ordered it from is responsible for all shipping costs. It usually works out that you would spend around $3 a book for shipping (on average) and you get to save yourself a ton of money and keep books in circulation. They were meant to be read after all.

Have a great day, its lovely outside....

L'amour is in the air

I've been seriously craving mysterious romance and passion these last few weeks. For the first time in a long long time, I'm totally on board with the spirit of Valentine's Day, and all I can think about is deep crimson reds and blacks, and old faded love letters from a bygone era. All things that evoke passion are stirring me currently; not just the concept of Valentine's Day, but also music, dance, creativity and courage in general. I say the word "courage" because I believe that it required bravery to follow your heart and love something with a sense of ferocity and total abandon.

Right now it all feels new to me all over again and its fun to reevaluate what this means to me. I've been watching love films (sshhhh! don't tell) and reading love sonnets by Pablo Neruda. I'm enjoying each day as a blank slate that allows me to pursue the unusual and explore new terrain. I have no idea what has inspired and stirred these feelings, but I'm glad to be exploring and enjoying the moment.

"Spanish Rose" By Raipun

aged love letter

Love letters

Christian Lacroix always does it for me. The mixture of old world embellishments and religious iconography along with flowing, dreamy, designs ranging from the Byzantium era through the Edwardian period gets me every time. I love the corset vest below that looks like a bejeweled piece of chest armor.

Christian Lacroix

lace stillettos

There's no way in hell I would forget to mention Valentino on this post. I especially love the asymmetrical side gather of the chiffon, notably the way it gives the gown that one organic, off-centered element to make it completely perfect to me.

Valentino Red

en pointe

Pablo Neruda

and my favorite Pablo Neruda love poem ever:

Sonnet 17

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in intself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way.

In which there is no I or you

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand

so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close."

~ Pablo Neruda~